What to agree with a sibling before it matters: who is first contact, where the record lives, how a decision gets made when you disagree.
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Made with the free tools at umuchi.comOne sibling does the appointments. The other asks how it went, gets a summary over the phone, and forms a picture from it. Six months later they disagree about something that was said in a consulting room one of them was not in, and the row that follows looks like it is about commitment.
It is almost always about information: one person has it, the other has a version of it, and neither has a record they can both read.
Who is the first contact for each clinician, so nobody is called twice and nothing is missed. Where the shared record lives, and that both of you can actually open it. What gets written down after every appointment — what was said, what changed, what happens next — and by whom, in the room rather than from memory.
How a decision gets made when you disagree, decided now while nothing is urgent. What the person being cared for wants, in their words, written down while they can say it. Who holds the legal documents, and where.
Each of these takes one conversation and prevents one argument.
None of this gets agreed because the conversation sounds like an accusation, and the version that eventually happens is during a crisis when everybody is frightened. It goes better when it is framed as what happens if YOU are unavailable rather than as a complaint about who does more: "if I am away for a fortnight, what would you need from me to pick this up" is a question nobody can take badly, and the answer is the handover document you were trying to write. Have it once a year rather than when something goes wrong.
Write down what was agreed, in one place you both have, because a verbal agreement between two people who remember it differently is worse than no agreement. And separate the two things that get tangled: who does the practical work, and who makes a decision if one has to be made quickly. They do not have to be the same person, and saying so out loud defuses most of what makes the first conversation difficult.
This page helps you organise information and arrive at an appointment prepared. It does not diagnose anything, it does not tell you what treatment you need, and it is not a substitute for a conversation with a clinician who knows you. If something is wrong, the right next step is a person with a licence, not a checklist.
In an emergency call your local emergency number — 911 in the US, 999 in the UK, 112 across the EU.
The version of this you fill in today is useful once. The version that is still there at the next appointment, already up to date, with your sister able to see it too, is useful every time. That is the difference an Umuchi account makes: the same information, kept, shared with the people you choose, and on your phone when somebody asks for it.
The version you fill in today is useful once. The version that is still there at the next appointment, already up to date, with your sister able to see it too, is useful every time.
Open Care circle, shared profiles in UmuchiFree to start. Umuchi does not diagnose anything and is not a substitute for a clinician.
If this is useful to you it is probably useful to whoever else is helping. The link is just this page — nothing you have typed into it is included, and there is nothing in it that identifies you.
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